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wine-glass-2740148_1280

Why do you want me to get up and go?
I’m really quite comfortable here.
Why won’t you do something relaxing and slow?
Like reading or pouring a beer.
You won’t get me cycling, I can’t ride a bike
And a fall is so dignity stripping
I’m likewise not up for an afternoon hike
Just hate to be sweaty and dripping
I’m not against exercise in the right time
I walked before you were awake
And now I’m enjoying this nice glass of wine
So will you shut up, for ****’s sake

©️jane jago 2018

 

Being old, I realise
The benefits of exercise
It keeps you fit
And stops your tits
From slipping down to join your bits
It keeps you toned
Your skills it hones
And it might protect your bones
It keeps you slim
And pulls you in
And stops you getting problems grim
Being old, I know all that
But still I’ll die relaxed. And fat

©️jane jago 2018
author.to/janejago

 

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Will you walk a little faster said a Mummy to a gran
I’ve Jemima and Sebastian and a very strict time plan
I’ve my iPhone on my shoulder and it’s saying beepy beep
And I have to get the toddlers home before they fall asleep
Will you, won’t you, will you, won’t you, will you, won’t you walk more fast
Will you, won’t you, will you, won’t you, will you, won’t you walk more fast

Granny looked around her at the blue sky and the sun
Thinking that the girl who grumbled never had much fun
But then she looked severely at the pushy one behind
I shall walk at my own pace, she said, and that’s if you don’t mind
I will not, shall not, will not, shall not, will not, shall not walk more fast
I will not, shall not, will not, shall not, will not, shall not walk more fast

walking-69708_1280.jpgYummy mummy cried such tears that flooded all the way
Oh please be moving faster or we’ll mess up all today

I have to have my acupuncture visit my hairdresser
Instead I’m stuck behind a besom who is a distresser
Will you, won’t you, will you, won’t you, will you, won’t you walk more fast
Will you, won’t you, will you, won’t you, will you, won’t you walk more fast

©️jj 2018

 

I don’t need incontinence knickers
My bladder’s surprisingly tight
And I don’t want to plan out my funeral
When I see my future as bright
Don’t call and expect me to tell you
My pin and identification
And it isn’t yet quite time to mash my food
As an aid to mastication
You don’t need to tell me to put on a coat
When I go out in the frost
I’m still on the bridge of my own little boat
And none of my marbles are lost
I don’t need incontinence knickers
Or an over sixties plan
All I require is a drinkie or two
And the love of a grumpy old man

©️ Jane Jago 2019

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Three books of verse and the blog link where you can often see my poems:

author.to/janejago
myBook.to/InV
myBook.to/QAQ
myBook.to/GODG
tinyurl.com/t9pkll3

See more of Jane’s submissions to Connection Cafe on her Author Page here.